"ZORRO!!! You lousy ratfink! I'm gonna kick your meddlin' self into next week!"


Zorro looked up from his platter of cheese and mumbled, "Whut'd I do?"


Woodrow, the woodrat stormed into the Dude's office. "You know what you did, you interfering buttinski! You turned me into that Hoarders TV show! They want to make a fool out of me on national TV and it's all YOUR fault! I am NOT a hoarder!"


Zorro grinned and said, "Woodrow? Have you looked at your place lately? Heck, you got more junk in there than they do at the local junkyard. That's a sure sign of a hoarder if I ever saw one."


"Oh, yeah?? Oh, YEAH?? Well hows about we open up your cheese storage locker and see what all you got in there??"


Zorro's eyes bulged. "NO! My cheese locker has nothing to do with this. I'm not hoarding cheese. I'm stockpiling it for the Curdageddon that I heard was coming. When that happens, I'll be the only one with cheese and I'll be rich!"


Woodrow laughed. "Curdageddon?? That's a new one. You are such a clown, Zorro. Now? What are you gonna do about those TV folks at my door?"


Zorro sputtered and said, "They're here?? They actually came? Oh, geez. I thought it was just a joke. I'll tell you what, I'll . . .


invite them in for a cup of tea. You do have 87 types of tes, right? I've seen your special tea cupboard, it's overflowing with boxes, tins and other kinds of tea containers!"


"Then I can nip over to may place for some tasty cheeses they can have with their tea!"


"Maybe when you get acquainted, you will realize that they like to HELP people who have a bit of a problem. For example, . . . "


sometimes we all need help. We need to pack up some cheeze, and take these guys to your place for tea, and then they can see that you . . ."


"Wait a minute!" Woodrow was steaming, " These Hoarders guys are not invited to my place. They might try to throw something very important away. You never know whether I or you or the Dude might need something.


Just then, Vobble flew in and was so glad to see Woodrow. "Hey I was just about to go to your place, I've searched the owlbox, under the gagshag, and swum to the bottom of the pool and I can't find a


"green-handled, left-angled coffee bender. Do you have one?"


Woodrow thought for a minute. "Well, I know I have a red-handled, right-angled coffee bender, and blue-handled no-angle coffee bender, but I'm not sure about the other. Will the red one do?"


Vobble said, "Well, I guess I can try to make it work. But I can't get past those guys in front of your door. They're really a pain, ya' know."


Zorro said, "Woodrow, you and Vobble go in the back door and look for what he needs. I'm taking those guys over to CC's and have a talk with them."


Zorro rounded up the dudes from the TV show and took them to CC's. she was trying out a new menu of Dot and TDB's specialties. She had Cranberry Onion Gopher, Volesagna, Parmesan Sage Crusted Snake Chops, and Volganoff.


They had done enough of these episodes about horaders that they knew what Zorro was up to, trying to distract the from their mission. They'd play along for a little while, but when CC put these foods in front of them they kind of looked at each other in amazement....


They'd never seen foods like this before. They each played with their food a little bit, but then they decided that they really needed to get back to the house and see what they were dealing with.


CC and Zorro tried to keep them there, but to no avail. They thanked CC and Zorro for their hospitality, but then they headed back to the house.


When they got there they found Woodrow inside, but he wouldn't open the door.


"We're not leaving. We came to help and we're going to help. Please let us in."


They argued back and forth for a while, and finaly Woodrow broke down and let them in. When they finally got inside . . .


they looked around the small entry foyer and couldn't believe their eyes! Everything was so neat and tidy!


There was a tiny settee in front of the window with lovely Tiffanny lamps on either side; an embroidered footstool, a coat rack and a lovely oriental rug.


Woodrow smiled. "See, what did I tell you? I don't need you. I am NOT a hoarder!"


Feeling embarrased, the Hoarders crew stammered that they got a letter from Mr. Zorro the Mouse with pictures, so they thought it must be true.


"My apologies," the director said and then he muttered to the boom guy, "We should never trust letters that come with cheesy fingerprints!"


"No problems," said Woodrow as he opened the front door. But before the Hoarder crew could get out the door a loud creaking sound began. They turned to look in the direction of the door way and BAM! The closet door exploded open, and all of Woodrow's things poured out of the closet into the room. On top of the pile was Vobble.


"Um, Hi," said Vobble. "My friend Woodrow has such a kind heart, in spite of being a neat freak, that he lets all his vriends store their extra stuff in his hall closet. I just brought a few things over, and, uh, I kinda got stuck in there, and, uh ..."


The production crew looked sternly at Vobble, and the director said sternly, "We have a name for "friends" like you, young man - it's ENABLER!"


Vobble gasped,but couldn't think of a work to say.


Zorro, thinking fast, said "What Vobble means is that a lot of people are getting together to have a yard sale, and Woodrow is kindly allowing them to store sale items in his closet, until the day of the big event."


The crew, with the wind taken out of their sails, weren't so sure of their ground at this point, but just then . . .


the director said "Just a second! Are you folks just covering for your pal Woodrow? I smell a RAT!"


We have encountered other problem cases where so-called "vriends" thoght it was a mercy to hide a hoarding problem. That is not really helping. All the clutter can disable a person!


So we would like to suggest . . .


suggest that if any of you have anything that belongs to you, please take it now and let us get to work with Mr Woodrow Rat.


Zorro looked at Vobble, and Vobble looked at Zorro and they knew just what to do.


Zorro began picking up everything his little paws could carry, stuffing his pockets full of Woodrow's fine things, while Vobble found a huge wheelbarrow and filled it to the brim.


Zorro looked the Hoarder host in the eye and said, "If you want to film this show, you'll have to wait until we get all our stuff outta here, and it's gonna take a while, we've got about 100 more trips to make.


"Well, where are you taking all this stuff?" the hoarder host asked.


"Um, well, um, to Vacadude's garage. Now that's where you guys need to go to do a show." There's more stuff in there than ole Woodrow here could ever collect." Zorro was now feeling quite proud of himself, thinking he had Woodrow in the clear, not really thinking his new idea through.


Zorro gave Vobs a wink, and Vobble gave Zorro the stink-eye, and whispered to the mouse, "Now you're really gonna be in trouble!"


"Not to worry, my vriend Vobs, I know the Dude will . . .


will know what to say to them. He can convince anyone of anything. Heck, he's got folks convinced that I'm a puppet and that he does my talking for me!"


"He can convince anyone of anything. Heck, he's got folks convinced that I'm a puppet and that he does my talking for me! Or maybe he should let mary talk to them. She could hit a couple of her high notes and break the lenses on the cameras and then we wouldn't have to worry about anything. The dude can handle it."


After they were done cleaning out Woodrow's closet, the TV crew headed over to the Dude's garage. They figured as long as they were in the neighborhood . . . they could help another someone who might need it.


When they got there they introduced themseves to the Dude and told them why they were there. The Dude seemed puzzled. Who had reported him as a hoarder? He ran into the house and called for Mary.


He asked her if she knew anything about these hoarder guys and Mary said she only knew them from their TV show, but was curious, so she went with Dude to the garage to find out more.


The story started to unfold and Vobs and Woodrow . . .


were starting to throw Zorro under the bus for his part in this whole charade!


The Dude's mood was quickly going from confuzzled to angry, so Mary stepped in, put her finger to her lips and quietly shushed the 'boys".. and she very sweetly she said to the director, "As you can see there seems to be some confusion. If you'd just wait outside for a few moments, we'll be right with you." And then she smiled her lovely smile that could melt the hearts of even the most ambitious reality show directors!


When they were safely outside, Mary turned to the Dude and said "Now what are you going to do about your friends THIS time???"


While the Dude tried to think of something to say, Zorro stepped in, eager to save his one good idea of the day. I think we'd better go ahead with the yard sale. Whatever we can't store at Woodrow's house, we can bring here! And then we can have the sale in the Dude and Mary's yard and . . . "


Mary broke in sweetly, "What a perfect idea!" And her voice hardened slightly as she continued, "And John can contribute some of his whatever-it-is that he keeps in here."


The Dude sputtered "But - but- but," while the rest of the group cheered and everyone started talking at once, thinking of items they could contribute to the big sale.


Mary said "Good, that's settled. All we have to do is set the date and (with a meaningful glance at the Dude) start sorting. I don't think we'll be needing you anymore," she said dismissively to the director of the production crew, "unless you want to start a new series about massive yard sales."


While the crew quietly conferred about this new idea, Mary, very much in control of the situation, turned to the others and started making plans.


Meanwhile, the Dude . . .


looked around seeking something that he could sell to appease Mary. Then he spotted it. "Fine!" he said, "I'll just get rid of these old trunks of sheet music and opera costumes and . . . "


Mary jumped in. "You'll do no such thing, Mister! Those trunks are going nowhere. Why, there's a treasure trove of stuff in there."


Woodrow chimed in, "Y'all can sell all of YOUR stuff that you want to, but anybody who tries to sell MY stuff is gonna be in BIG trouble. Just load up all of my stuff and take it back to my burrow. You can load it all into the empty storerooms in the back until I can get it all sorted and organized again.


The owlets and Zorro began hauling loads of stuff back to Woodrow's place. It took hours and many, many trips. When they were done, they were all exhausted.



Woodrow, Zorro and the owlets settled down in the parlor of Woodrow's burrow. Woodrow was still a little upset with Zorro for turning him in to the Hoarder's show in the first place, but he was grateful for the way they'd all worked together to bail him out of trouble.


He turned to Zorro and said, "Ya' know, Zorro. I'm really not a hoarder. I throw lots of junk away. I don't have a problem with that. But I do keep lots of stuff because it's still useful. Heck, how many times have you come to me looking for something you needed and I just happened to have it? All my stuff is, or WAS, really organized and I knew what I had and where to find it and now . . . well, now it's all just a jumbled mess and it's gonna take me weeks to get it all sorted out again."


Zorro hung his head. "I guess you're right," he said. "I just got so caught up in the idea of being on TV and being around the TV crews and . . . I'm sorry, Woodrow. I'll help you put everything away."


Just then, the Dude knocked on the door of Woodrow's burrow. "Uh, gutz," he said. "Brace yourself. I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that the Hoarders crew is gone."


They all heaved a sigh of relief. But then Woodrow spoke up and asked, "Wait a minute. You said you had bad news. What is it?"


The Dude said, "Well . . . . um . . . . you see . . . . errr . . . . um . . . "


Zorro piped up, "Spit it out, Dude. We ain't got all year!"


"Okay, okay, it's like this! The director from Hoarders saw some stuff in Woodrow's pile that looked interesting so he made a few phone calls. I just got a call myself. You can expect a crew from Antiques Roadshow to be here bright and early tomorrow morning!"


The End